I wish I had the emotions of a Robot!!!

Well hello my fellow followers... This is a personal blog, where I am having a emotionally disturbed moment!!! People tell me that things will get better, but I really do not know anymore. I cannot find work, I have countless nights were I have cabin fever sooo bad..  I cannot sleep at night, dependent on sleep aids to go to sleep, and when I do its usually after four in the morning. It looks like I am going to file for a ch 7 bankrupsty. I am getting a judgement and another court date threating to freeze my bank accounts, even though, I do not have a bank account.I'd settle for a job bagging groceries if I could do that instead of filing, unfortunately I have no choice. It's not like I can go into a bank and ask for 60,000 to cash my check whenever the hell I will get it...My mom has put up my grandparents house up for sale in about 10 days it should be up. She put it up for really cheap about 100,000. It really sucks because my grandfather invested over 100,000 on the house. Ive been going over there every day to get all of my stuff... I'm really going to miss that house so many memories... That house has always been my home, I hate to see anyone else buy that house.. Honestly part of me wishes I did not get this money because its really stressing me out!!! I think I might do something spontaneous like go to Lego Land and make a life size sonic out of lego's!!! I should do the smart thing and invest it into my education. My dream wedding I guess, lets see I always wanted my last year of college living overseas in Japan and my fantasy would be to go to the cherry blossom festival, The guy I'm with would get down on one knee and propose to me. I love emeralds, I would be an antique emerald ring, and if I found out they paid like a couple of hundred dollars to buy me this ring... There head would be in a fishbowl... No shotguns wedding unless they want there balls on a silver platter!!! It has to be at a church, no dj, I want a band kinda like ska/swing/jazz type music. I like horse carriage rides, I use to ride horses when I was little.. Even though I always thought I would be really, romantic if I got to elope in Japan.. My wedding will be extravagant, I want the person im destined to be with for the rest of my life, I want what my grandparents have, to be married over sixty years, and want to love them and be with them forever, someone I can trust unconditionally, someone that is so fixated, so deep infatuated with me, he would never want to be with another woman or even look at another woman because I would be his obsession... Worship the ground I walk on treat me like a queen, never pass judgement on me, someone that would look out for me. Never give up on me and we would never, ever have one of those dull, boring sex lives. after we would get married we would work on having more kids like the energizer bunny... My house of my dreams would be a English Tudor house, I love those houses they are so breathtaking... remodel to my own whimsical personalty.. Hardwood floors, no carpet, maybe a mosaic fireplace. I really big kitchen, walk in pantry, a really big basement, room for a stage to play my bass, and a big projection screen to play video games, and movies. I love to watch movies, snuggling up to the fireplace, enjoying a nice glass of homemade peach wine that I made all by myself. I'm getting excited just thinking about it...